(This is Peter’s humorous attempt at being thankful, or thankful attempt at being humorous)
Once a year on Thanksgiving Day, we have the unabashed opportunity to stand on cars and yell out the things we’re thankful for. Or, if you’re old fashioned, just say them at dinner.
Personally, I like to sit with a glass of scotch in front of a fireplace and stare pensively at the ceiling, contemplating my blessings – like, for instance, how this particular house was left unlocked and stocked with enough scotch and firewood to keep me warm.
So without further ado, Turkey Lovers, let’s get thankful. Here’s what I’m high-fiving this year:
Fooseball. Thank you for cleverly embedding yourself into my job as a copywriter. Yes, I’m knee-deep in Social Media and writing content for most of the day, but all for the sake of those daily fooseball matches where I can lose myself when the ‘five-man’ pushes the ball up to the ‘three-man’ for a one-timer, affectionately known as the Bang-a-rang!, and in that moment, as the ball smashes in the back of the net and pops out onto the floor, I’m no longer a copywriter… I’m a hero.
SharePoint. Because it makes the SharePint possible. And business collaboration stuff…
The World Series. Thanks for leaving yourself out there for the St. Louis Cardinals to take. If you didn’t exist, then the Redbirds wouldn’t have had a reason to battle their way to the Wild Card, pitch their way out of the NLDS, hit their way to the pennant, and ‘clutch’ the Championship for the eleventh time.
Coffee. I’m not sure who first decided to take some beans off a tree in Brazil or wherever and drink it at work the next morning, but thank you. You give each day meaning…
My hairline. Try as you might to leave me, my fledgling little hairs, I’ve not given up on you yet…
Our Weakened Economy. Thanks to the declining state of the economy, we get “Black Friday”. The day after Thanksgiving, I’ve been known to wake up at unthinkable hours and, for the sake of the economy, take my place amongst the raging crowds ready to tear each other to pieces in the hopes of saving $5 on a toaster. Black Friday keeps me strong in mind and body. For that I’m thankful.
Family. Or else who would cook the Turkey? And put a blanket over me when I pass out from the Tryptophan? And casually push me out the back door once everyone’s left?
Social Media. I’ve spent half my life searching for a way to measure myself in terms of whether or not I’m a good friend, a follower, a sharer, etc. If you’re like me, you need help figuring out “People you may know’ so you can befriend them. Now, thanks to Twitter and Facebook, I can accurately gauge myself as a person. With every status ‘Like’ I grow stronger; with every ‘Follow’ I become invincible! …and speaking of the devil:
Status Updates. Oh you. How else am I going to find out your snarky views on the weather? Or how booorrrring your job is? Or if you really really miss that special someone? Only through the blessing of Status Updates am I allowed the freedom to step inside the shoes of a ‘friend’ and imagine what life is like when you “totally need a vacation, like right now!” or when you repeatedly post that you’ve “had a great workout at the gym!” Yeah I heard you the first time; you’re a better person than I. Well done.
Cheez-its. I don’t know how you do it, you delicious little treat. (whispering) but thank you…
London. Specifically the South East section of London where my girlfriend’s from. I’m thankful that it produced my girlfriend. So thanks, South East section of London.
Home Alone. If this movie didn’t exist then I’d never have that driving force to get through Thanksgiving. Personally, I won’t watch or listen to anything Christmas related until after Turkey Day so you can imagine how difficult it becomes when I’m only allowed to watch Home Alone for like one month of the year. Home Alone is my holiday.
The Quarrymen. If this modest, skiffle band hadn’t been formed in 1957 by a young John Lennon then we may have never been witness to the Liverpudlian sensation that became The Beatles. And in turn, music as we know it may have ceased to exist…
Pilgrims. Cheers to the adventurous types. Ne’er mind the scurvy and instant death waiting behind every cluster of trees, these men and women boldly wore obnoxious hats and stood outside Plymouth with “Occupy New World” signs.
Okay, I’m all out of jokes and scotch, but humor aside, I’m a very thankful man this year.
2011 has brought me a great new job and, between London and the States, almost an entire year with the missus. When you’re not eating delicious food that you or someone you love prepared, I hope everyone takes the time to be thankful this Turkey Day.
In the end, we can all just be thankful that we’re not turkeys!
(Editor’s Note: If you are a turkey, than just be happy you can read…)